Learning....

I learned a very hard lesson today. Just when you think you've got it all figured out, you don't. Love is insane. These are those times when you realize there is nothing left for you to do but trust in God. He knows all things and will shake out the wrinkles in time. I am so in love with my husband who right now is in another room hating me. I really don't know what to do. I love him, I need him. I feel like he is being unfair to me. Yes, he can be upset, but not to this point. I have cried my eyes out, now I am just waiting for the next event. Until then, I go from extreme crying to nervousness. I know I can not control or keep him from doing anything he chooses. I guess thats the part where I need some healing and growing. Its hard not to overthink when I carry the burden of my Mom and Dads marriage. I do not want to be my Mom. I want a loving and successful marriage and will pray that it continues. Is that it? Is is ghosts from the past haunting me?

I truly love him and need him. I just don't know how to convey that to him. He gets to a point sometimes where he stops listening. I have stopped talking. He will think about it and make a decision when he is ready. I am not going to keep pushing him. I do need to learn to let go and let God. He can perform miracles. I pray for us and ask for His forgiveness for not letting him guide my steps and the road my marriage is traveling upon. How can I then get upset? Cry? He reminds us sometimes of why we need him. Please forgive me Lord. I hear you. I need you. My eyes and ears are open. Rain down your protection upon my marriage and my family. I love you. Love, a flailing woman of Christ...