Learning....

I learned a very hard lesson today. Just when you think you've got it all figured out, you don't. Love is insane. These are those times when you realize there is nothing left for you to do but trust in God. He knows all things and will shake out the wrinkles in time. I am so in love with my husband who right now is in another room hating me. I really don't know what to do. I love him, I need him. I feel like he is being unfair to me. Yes, he can be upset, but not to this point. I have cried my eyes out, now I am just waiting for the next event. Until then, I go from extreme crying to nervousness. I know I can not control or keep him from doing anything he chooses. I guess thats the part where I need some healing and growing. Its hard not to overthink when I carry the burden of my Mom and Dads marriage. I do not want to be my Mom. I want a loving and successful marriage and will pray that it continues. Is that it? Is is ghosts from the past haunting me?

I truly love him and need him. I just don't know how to convey that to him. He gets to a point sometimes where he stops listening. I have stopped talking. He will think about it and make a decision when he is ready. I am not going to keep pushing him. I do need to learn to let go and let God. He can perform miracles. I pray for us and ask for His forgiveness for not letting him guide my steps and the road my marriage is traveling upon. How can I then get upset? Cry? He reminds us sometimes of why we need him. Please forgive me Lord. I hear you. I need you. My eyes and ears are open. Rain down your protection upon my marriage and my family. I love you. Love, a flailing woman of Christ...

My World...

I love him! How else do you explain getting butterflies from the look in a mans eyes when he gazes at you? I have loved him for two + years, and will be married to him in less than 3 days. I can not believe how blessed I am. I have never been more sure of anything in my life. He is the one. I want to make him as happy as he makes me daily. I want to be with him all the time, although reality is HE NEEDS TO BREATHE, LOL! I have never been the type to smother a man, so this is new to me. He loves me, and even more importantly, he loves my children. His parents are the most wonderful in-laws known to man. I pray that our union is blessed and of God. I knew the moment I asked him what his ultimate goal in life was. His answer was my confirmation!

Hopeful...

There are few times in life when one can say they are truly happy. I have decided to take this moment and relish it for what it is worth. Whatever may taint it minutes, days, months from now, I dont want to think about. I have the love of God, favor, the man of my dreams, my children are happy. I am getting married in 4 days. My Dad and I have reconciled and he is walking me down the aisle. I am in a good place. I want to thank God for all he has done for me, even when I do not deserve it.

I am in need of this outlet right now, and I pray that there are more posts that mirror this one to come. I have a lot to do in these last few days to come. I have a head cold today, and even that has not dampered my spirit. I want my wedding to be as meaningful and touching as he makes me feel on a daily basis. I love him soooo much! What feeling is better than being in love? Going to try to rest up for this loooong week. Gnight all!